Week 10: I talking to I

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I, this harbour for my big I say: oh wow I have so much to do! Will I do all???!!! But how??! Then big I send a signal….and this I here come immediately with the sentence “I am whole, perfect, strong, powerful, harmonious and happy.” I feel calm in piece. I is (am) really happy. Time that didn’t exist much, now exists… A simple result of inexistent to existent, the within to without! This is my reality now and this is powerful! I’ve got to get in to get out!

This I here can not underestimate the power of her big I. I am here in this world not to leave a void. My creation wasn’t a simple task. It was a miracle of this perfect nature that this I have to be thankful for. Therefore this I here have no more then obligation to plant a strong being that can leave strong marks of her existence. This I have to listen and serve well the big I to be in peace, to be in balance and to produce.

This is exactly what I am doing with more love than ever. Now this I here have a mission….and if for my I this is clear like a crystal….

…I promise to her big I that I am (is) transformed! Lets play the game of life!

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Week 9: Accomplishment as a whole…

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Now I am sitting here looking at the window, paying attention to the weather and observing nature. While I write this blog, the leaves on the trees fall due to the heavy wind. I am smiling, I am tranquil. I observe more and I see my four shapes hanging in the window also. Another smile!

I can call this week as glorious. It wasn’t easy, I had challenges, I lost my temper but the most important I was within my 7 seconds allowed (smiles – 3 full days completed ever!). I am evolving as a whole and I am definitely getting stronger and powerful. In all my actions I can see the words of wisdom I’ve learned in my MKMMA journey. Anything I’ve come across with has triggered my thoughts back to what I’ve learned or it reminded me of what I’ve seen in the course’s material.

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It’s been glorious because I accomplished tasks to make my whole happy, harmonious. As one of the results all my prints and merchandise are ready for my first ever exhibition of my photography work in a fair. And I am sure this is due to my inner thoughts, to my I, which I harbour with pleasure and more consciousness.

Now I can sit here and be thankful for this power that “I” can generate. Be thankful to be able to relax and enjoy what surrounds me with the feeling of accomplishment. Be thankful to the opportunities that give me tremendous life experiences. Be thankful to every single person that surrounds me and complements my whole. It is therefore with all of this that I am able to give my love. I love life.

Week 8:Ephemerality

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If you come to me and ask how my mind has been this week…I would say…I don’t know…I don’t remember…where is my I? Is I playing hide and seek? Is I hiding? Or is I just doing her normal job, being mysterious as usual and not allowing her harbour, her subaltern to know what are her plans?

But hey wait a minute! Me here, your harbour, have certain command upon you. Don’t forget that this I here, your subaltern if you like, is the one that feeds you…so listen and concentrate…lets work together! Lets do a great effort and not allow gaps, blanks be part of us….let me be, let me feel, let me drink each molecule of this life so I as a hole can accept ephemerality better.

I can’t, I won’t accept anymore that chaotic, busy days take over my most precious asset…the sun that shines inside me… I am its guardian and no shadows are allowed!

I can’t forget I live in harmony with the environment, that I have a deep inner force and that I am inwardly connected to nature absorbing its energy…

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“In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity” – Albert Einstein

For me the beauty of life is the art to balance it well.

 

Week 7: Diving into emotions!

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Reaching the end of my 7th week and I find myself smiling when I remember what has been happening with this I, which my body proudly harbours.

I’ve found myself in the beginning of this week as an excited kid amazed with the discoveries through the wonderful play, through the wonderful forms, through my film poster :-).

By the middle of the week this I transformed into an adult again and all she could listen was…boom boom bump boom boom bump boom boom bump then goosebumps all around her body and eyes filled with water. The feeling…aweeee the best ever…power, strength, confidence, pleasure…the echo sound symptomised very well my burning desire and my heart was due to explode. This was the result of my recording. My definite main purpose amalgamated with my personal pivotal needs blended with my affirmations that in turn, together were all floating in a sea of magical music took this I into another level of sovereignty.

A thrilling realisation made me think how this mysterious mind works in silence on its own pace. In the chorus of one of the musics I used in this recording is …”You gotta get in to get out”….

Now this I wants to inundate her power by invading the body she is harboured causing it to be addicted to her and I can say that my body is ready for it!!

Week 6: Dazzle

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This week I’ve been feeling like a feather. A piece inside me has overtaken my world. My I is allowing my actions to be more effective and being effective makes my I more powerful, satisfied.

My energy is focused, my pathway is smooth like a frozen lake and its signs are not more than give and receive. I am following them and by the end of it I find a big beautiful opened door where I can see love. From there I am flying like a dove and hugging the world.

I am inundated with those 4 shapes, yellow square, green triangle, blue rectangle and red circle. They are my drive forces now. They link absolutely everything. They are fixed stamps in my memory no matter if they are physically in front of me or not. They make part of me now and I am dazzled!

The world surrounding me seems to be on the same wave or on the same path as me.  I’ve conquered more clients, I’ve met a friend by chance who suggested me as a possible help to another person and as a consequence, tonight I am donating 5 hours of my services as a photographer to a charity event. The charity provides Therapeutic Recreation camps to help children with life-limiting illnesses and I am proud of this and I am spreading my love to whom may need me.

MKMMA, the seven laws of the mind, Og Mandino, control, awareness, effort and I are making me a better subject of nature.

Life is mysterious, benevolent, malevolent, but beautiful. I drink it with pleasure!

Walking into nature

Week 5: Alert…awareness…

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Friday night now…end of another week. This one was like a wind but not as a breeze. It past quick but not smoothly. There were stones to deviate from in my path.

This is the 5th week I’ve been having a serious conversation with my mysterious mind.  Amid all my obligations related to my work and to my “inself”, words float among my thoughts. Serenity…truth…control… effort… anxiety… weakness… priority… dominance… organisation… balance… alert… awareness…strength. Why are they floating….what are their meaning? Well they are the summary of my feelings this week.

I had an insight and this will have a consequence from now on…on me…on myself. This week worked for me as a test of my soul, my mind, my body…my I! Do I control myself? Am I strong enough? How is my transition from chaos to harmony?

I had several challenges, I felt overwhelmed and consequently anxiety took over. I felt inundated….snowed over. There were too much to deal with in a daily basis. Am I happy how I dealt with my week? Not 100%. Anxiety means weakness. It means certain absence… it means letting those wise words run away from me. I still have steep hills to climb. I still have to protect my inner sun from the shadows brought by the devils. I can not allow the brightness inside me to become dull. However, I felt by the first time after a long long time a strength coming from inside that guided me logically and efficiently. Now I am left with an important work; my awareness of my situation, my mind behaviour have to be well alerted! I can not let myself to leave on boundaries…

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Week 4: Life manouvres

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Imagine you are walking first on soft clouds and you are light like a fairy with shiny wings. All is in harmony and you and nature is one entity. By the middle of your journey your path is not soft clouds anymore. They become a bit harder and you feel it harsh while you walk on your bare feet. You keep going but not as determined. You are not light anymore. You seem more static, more perplexed as if almost getting lost. You stay under alert, you don’t do much..when you suddenly realise your path is being broken and what lies underneath is a big question mark. You and nature are not one anymore but by the contrary, nature is stronger and looks like an enemy. Your path now is like little round slippery pebbles. You have 2 simple options. Keep balance and walk ahead on the pebbles or let you go to the obscure unknown without return. I’ve chosen the first one and I am so thankful!

This has been my week so far.  This is what it feels like when all seemed in its place until new challenges, opportunities appear and turbulence starts, since a choice has to be made. I am doing a lot of progress in my photography business. I am more focused. I feel happy. My cold gets worse, I have no energy, I don’t complete my MKMMA tasks. I am not as happy as I was in the beginning of the week. Then a new email arrives. An interview over the phone about a position to work as a software tester. Whaaaat?! Yes I am a certified software tester too and a while ago I had this goal of working as such. So now I have a few days to decide what will be my path. My heart is in photography, mainly now. But will I be brave enough to let go an opportunity like this; to grow as software tester? Will I be brave enough to follow my heart and proceed with something that is mine and that I do with love? Will I feel guilty of not choosing something more secure with a good income that I might like or not? I have a daughter to take care of. I have to teach her to be strong, determined. I can’t forget to leave the shiny little stones for her path. I have to be brave!! I proceed with my normal day, I catch up with my MKMMA tasks. I read the lesson and I sit relaxed letting go all adverse thoughts. I am again in piece with myself and in harmony with nature. I feel light. I am like a shy fairy now with no certain answer but embracing life as it is and being thankful!

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Week 3: In…side…out

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Third week into creating new habits…and if I don’t follow these new habits a rainy cloud descends upon me!! On Wednesday darkness was approaching. Anxiety was taking over. I needed more than 24 hours a day to fit all in, mainly with my daughter being at home due to holidays. But a simple change in the order of my tasks brought the sun back. Oh wow what an effect! I couldn’t believe! I started reading the lesson of the week soon after reading the scroll 1 early in the morning. Then I did my exercise of sitting for 15 min, relaxing completely. The rest of my day I felt like a feather. I was light, I was soft and I was open to the world! I wanted to engulf all the opportunities available and I wanted to feel my daughter more. I wanted to spend real time with her. I wanted to be opened for her too! From an almost a disturbed mind to a cheerful mind the rest of my week so far has been a gift.

Since then it looks like I am literarily inside out! The power of the words I read, the positiveness of my thoughts are all converged to a driven, magnetic force that transforms my soul into a younger and joyful one. Tasks are completed like almost a breeze. No turns, straight to the point. Productive is the adjective transforming into a noun. Golden paths are being built to reach my ultimate goal and seeds have been planted.

I’ve got 2 new photo sessions, I’ve applied to a competitive photography scholarship under a renown street photographer and I’ve got it! This is the beginning of my new life. I have time, I enjoy it and once again I smile to this world as I used to do a lot when younger.

One could ask me…so are you done? Are you all sorted? No…I am not done at all…I will live life at its most and I will drink it all. Life is to be well lived until its last drop and the years to come I will plant little shiny stones behind me, so I can serve as an exemple of strength and will to my daughter. When I am gone, each sparkle she sees in her path will be peaces of me left to guide her.emerging new life

Week 2 – Another turn over???!!!!

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Here I am, at the middle of my second week. Earlier this week I was working on my DMP. As I was writing it I felt something wasn’t quite OK… Where was my burning desire? I could feel it as I wrote about my photography business but not with regard to my ‘goal’ as a network marketer. My thoughts emerged and they were; ” am I lying to myself and trying to hide something? Yes I have the desire to be successful in network marketing”. But who doesn’t want to be successful in anything they choose to do? But is it a burning desire? Is it my instinct? Is it what I love and have passion for? Network marketing provides a product that is not mine. I din’t create it!” Then I attempted to think more logically: ” why am I always procrastinating in front of my computer screen? Why am I not phoning, getting out to meet people? Or am I doing all wrong and I shouldn’t rush and act as Bob Burg mentions in his book that is not about me only! Serve people! Yes I normally serve people a lot (some even say I should be a counsellor) but why am I not doing this in network marketing? My days are being wasted, I am leaving behind my photography and concentrating in something that is not moving me forward.” Then a mixture of thoughts emerged: “don’t let negative thoughts come upon you. Be brave, move forward, do it! But wait! Denying my negative thoughts is not a way to hide a bit the truth in this case where I can’t see a burning desire?”

I looked at my DMP, looked again. I erased all with regard to network marketing! It is not my burning desire and here it shouldn’t be!!! 😮 Is this an act of braveness or craziness? Am I deleting network marketing from my life? No, but it is not in my first plan anymore. If it happens, it happens. It won’t block my life as a photographer anymore. I had even created my week plan fitting both on it but let me work well on what I have a burning desire for.

So here I am today, feeling light, feeling happy and even dancing with Enya song in the background! Is this another sign that I am going into the right direction? 🙂

UPDATE: A second turnover after a few months. I’ve found my burning desire in network marketing again. I’ve found a reason, I’ve found passion when I realised I could really help people health.

Tracking my steps

Tracking my steps

Week 1 – Settling in

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It was Sunday, the 27th almost 9:00PM. I was feeling very tired but I was ready and curious to watch my first MKMMA webcast. At first I was sitting at the kitchen table. By its middle I decided to lay down on my bed while using the webinar on my phone. I closed my eyes and listened deeply into the words. Oh what words, what sayings. As I listened I felt relaxed as if I was meditating! Just perfect! I felt excited! I woke up in the middle of the night and the word in my mind summarising who I want to be or better how I want to be was JOYFUL. It was well printed in my mind.

Following day arrived. I looked at the slides again, I read and I did the daily tasks. It was holiday here and I had to spend time with my daughter. I missed not having more time to dedicate to the course.

In Tuesday morning I looked at all the material more carefully. Panic arose into me. I was overwhelmed. I felt a bit lost when I thought how I would deal with that amount of reading and my life. I took a deep breath and started. I dived into it and I didn’t do anything else. I read, re-read. I started to feel easier. I started to do my tasks. I guess I was settling in. I read the scroll, I read lesson one, I set still for 15 min but I wasn’t still ready for my DMP. I didn’t have a purpose. I didn’t know who exactly I want to be. These last weeks in my life I was feeling a bit lost with regard to this. I always had a question; why one day I wanted to pursue this and another day I wanted to pursue that, so on so forth. I had to find myself!! This course ‘fell’ in my life in the most appropriate time!

Wednesday I was already following a routine. I managed to set a time for everything I should do in a daily basis. I was getting organised, finally! And as a result I was feeling more comfortable too. I was ready to start drafting my DMP. Words just drifted from my thoughts. In one minute a DMP was being built, in another good part had been erased, until it reached a satisfactory end. I was finding myself maybe. I was feeling happy and I started to believe myself more. A drop of doubt still exists but the feeling of anxiety I was having for weeks has disappeared now. Im determined and I might be finding I can really control my power!

Thursday came along and it was tough. I was anxious, I was in the urge to work on my tasks and I couldn’t. There was too much going on in this household surrounded by illness! I read my scroll, I read the blue print. When the night came and finally I could do all the rest, I started to feel at ease. Am I becoming addicted to MKMMA?

Now today I am here writing all that is happening during my first week of this journey.

I am so looking forward to diving deeply into this new journey of building a new human being, a new Patricia. PatisPrinciples! 🙂